Home > Family, Weight Loss > Don’t go shopping when hungry…or snacky…

Don’t go shopping when hungry…or snacky…

November 19, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

Of course, that’s exactly what I did tonight.  For some reason, I’ve had the “blues” for about a week.  At first I thought it was because I was nervous about getting the results of my chest CT scan.  (Had one on Monday – it was a repeat scan after one about 6 months ago showed a couple of “non-specific lymph nodes”.)  I have this weird thing where I can’t believe that I’m so happy and just wait for the other shoe to fall.  Don’t ask me, I wish I knew why.  Maybe it is related to my weight.  Okay, probably is.

Anywho, I saw my doctor Friday and he said everything was just perfect and I’m totally fine.  The lymph nodes shrunk back down and he thought I probably just had a viral infection back then and that’s why they were a little larger than normal.

But, do I feel any better?

Yesterday I was euphoric.  First, the good news from my doctor.  Second, I did a presentation in front of over 100 people and had about 10 people come up later to compliment me.  I had depression about 14 years ago and at that point in my life, I couldn’t do anything during the light of day because I had such anxiety around people.  So, I’m incredibly proud of where I am in my life.  Which kind of brings me back to the whole “can’t believe I’m so happy” syndrome.

But wait, there’s more.

Today, my super-intelligent DH had to work, so it was just DS and I.  We went to McDonald’s for lunch (his choice) and while we were there, got a call from a friend of his, wondering if he wanted to come over and play.  Great, we were both really excited!  But as I was driving away after dropping him off, I got this major sense of…loneliness.  I can’t really describe it.  I was a kind of tickled to have 2 hours all to myself, but I just panicked because I didn’t know what to do with it!  Hell, I think that was my first two hours all by myself in almost 6 years where I had literally nothing to do!

So now you know my mindset today.  I decided to go grocery shopping tonight, excited because it is a short week (going “home” for Thanksgiving) and I didn’t have much to get.  But I really wanted a snack.  And you can tell when a woman trying to lose weight is wanting to binge because her shopping cart is this strange dichotomy of “bad things that are better for you than the real bad things”.  I’m pretty sure I would have just been better off to buy the thing I was craving (a big chocolate bar with caramel in it), but instead, I bought:

  • A box of Atkins endulge bars – peanut caramel something or other flavor
  • Dark chocolate peanut M&Ms (hey, dark chocolate is good for you and peanuts don’t have many carbs – bonus!)
  • A box of Breyer’s CarbSmart ice cream bars

Had some M&Ms, and now I’m just tired.  Tomorrow is a new day and I’m trying to just take deep breaths and focus on being happy – not worrying that for some reason I don’t deserve the blessings in my life.

Categories: Family, Weight Loss
  1. November 20, 2011 at 12:29 am

    I know the feeling of not having what it is you’re craving and eating everything BUT (usually ending up consuming more calories).

    I hope you have been able to move past the slight slip-up and tomorrow (today) is better.


    • November 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm

      Oh yeah, I’m best friends with that feeling at times. Luckily last night I just had a handful of the dark chocolate peanut M&Ms, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been!

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